A perfectionist may look at a simple task like house cleaning and throw their hands up in frustration saying "...I don't have ten hours today, I can't possibly finish this task, why even start?" This all or nothing attitude can stymie action. When looking at a project sometimes we see the totality of the problem, and the entire task appears enormous and unsolvable. The unsolvability of the problem tweaks our egos in an unpleasant way; we believe we need to be able to conceptualize the whole solution start to finish before we can even begin.
"Writer's block" can be understood as a variation on procrastination where the writer has a vague abstract notion of some ideal work they would like to complete although practically they can't find the individual elements necessary to put it together. Students often fall into this trap, especially if they are working on a project with a flexible deadline, or haven't received specific instructions. I think that this experience of being blocked by a vague idea of how you'd like the project to turn out is fairly generic and applies to a wide variety of tasks and isn't just a problem for students and writers.
In Recovery terminology we say self-consciousness destroys spontaneity and is caused by the fear of making mistakes. The more we think about how a project ought to be done perfectly the more we are unable to actually approach the problem. We become tangled in our intentions and what we imagine we might be able to do and we spend time worrying about mistakes we might make rather than actually doing anything at all. Our romantic notions of our great future accomplishment and how people will see us at the end of our endeavour don't match our practical skills of what we actually are able to do. We have an unrealistic assessments of our own abilities and how the task might be done and we refuse to accept our initial faltering efforts as having any value or worth.
Dr. Low describes one of his patients Irene, and how she became stuck in perfectionism:
Irene had been brought up as a perfectionist. Her ambition was to keep her home "perfectly clean"; to do a perfect job in the education of her children; to attain excellence as hostess, wife, friend, neighbour. Trivial errors, trifling mistakes and insignificant failures caused her to sweat and fret, to wear herself out with vexation and self-reproach. She worried, felt provoked at her fancied inefficiency, was perpetually flustered and confused. The confusion multiplied her record of bungled trivialities and botched irrelevancies. A vicious cycle developed: The more she was confused the more she bungled; the more persistently she bungled the more disturbing became her confusion. In the end, she lost confidence in her ability to do things "correctly," developed an exaggerated self-consciousness and lost her spontaneity. After joining Recovery she learned to be human and average, to permit herself to be like others, to bungle as much or as little as people bungle "on an average." She rejected the grotesque idea of the "perfect job" and the "flawless performance," and imbibed the now familiar Recovery doctrine to "have the courage to make mistakes in the trivialities of everyday life." If Irene continued to practice these Recovery doctrines in her everyday activities, if she practiced methodically to laugh at the paltry consequences of her trivial mistakes, she was certain to develop self-assurance and to rout her self-consciousness. Then her muscles will not be wedged in between two sets of antagonistic impulses, her spontaneity will be established on the firm ground of self-confidence, and her solid habits of thinking in terms of averageness will prevent her from becoming discouraged, despondent and depressed.
The FlyLady writes a practical housekeeping blog. She lives in the southern United States, Marla Cilley is her full name. She got the moniker FlyLady because she needed a user name for the forums on a website she joined and at the time she was a fly fishing instructor at the local college.
She has written a huge collection of articles; most are housekeeping tips addressed to women although she includes several very frank articles on depression and how she used practical tools to overcome her issues. Her writing is humorous, down to earth, and personable. She has a whole series of articles on procrastination and how perfectionism is at its root. The FlyLady writes:
What is it about two minutes? When we were told we had to do a two minute speech it seemed so long. When we stand in front of a microwave waiting impatiently for something to heat up it seems like it is taking forever. When I tell someone to do just two minutes, I get that look of “What good is that going to do?” Well let me tell you two minutes can accomplish more than you can ever dream if you will just quit whining about what it won’t do and show yourself what it can do!
This week we are taking the Two Minute Miracle Challenge! I am calling it a Miracle because you are going to be surprised by the results of just those two minutes. We refuse to believe that two minutes can make a dent in anything we need to accomplish! This is our perfectionism stopping us from even getting started.
Perfectionism is the root of procrastination. We tell ourselves that we don’t have time. The funny thing is that we don’t finish the sentence to say what we have been told our whole lives. The words should say, I don’t have time to do it RIGHT!
Since the day we were born we had these words drilled into our heads, “If you can’t do it right don’t do it at all!” We learned this part well! We still hear these words in our head. As children we were forced to do things over and over again. No one was ever really proud of what we did after all we were only kids. Our parent’s expectations were not realistic. We were told to go clean our rooms instead of giving us babystep instructions. We were expected to know what “Clean our rooms” meant. Yet there was no example of what that was, because our parents room was not clean either.
If as children we had been told we were going to play the Two Minute Game, we would have been so excited! It’s a two minute sprint to see what we can do and not a marathon that we would be doomed in the end, to repeat. Two minutes is not the end of the world. It is a focus on one thing; go pick up your dirty clothes.
The FlyLady emphasizes simple self-help methods and identifies a variety of techniques. The focus is on creating new habits, being patient with yourself and the job, and doing things in small steps. She gives specific instructions, breaking tasks down into basic manageable components.
Avoiding distractions is one of her recommendations, being aware that when you set out to do one job you shouldn't get side tracked by some other less important job. She uses the example of going to change a roll of toilet paper and how this can lead to spending and hour cleaning out the cabinet where the toilet paper is stored rather than keeping focused on the simple task. She talks about setting short time limits to both keep individual jobs manageable and ensure that a global effort is made.
Many of her suggestions challenge notions of completeness, for example she talks about vacuuming the middle of the room and just dealing with what is obvious and easy to reach and not getting caught up in the details. She recommends being aware of hotspots in your home, places that tend to collect clutter, and spending a small amount of time on them every week. Doing something on a task is always better than doing nothing, and she endorses even the smallest efforts.
"Housework done incorrectly still blesses your family", is a basic rule that she recommends to reinforce the notion that all efforts are helpful, and that your preconceived ideas about how things should be done are likely holding you back.
FlyLady posts are encouraging and sympathetic, although she has no tolerance for complaining. The tools that she talks about address topics like perfectionism, procrastination, patience, doing tasks in part acts (baby steps as she calls them), tolerating mistakes, being patient with yourself and having realistic expectations. These are all fundamental Recovery tools, and I think her blog is another example of the universality of these ideas.
I still struggle with details of basic home maintenance, FlyLady ideas have entered my life through my partner Melissa who discovered this website and has applied the method in our house for years. The basic details are contagious, simple, and entirely functional and have made a big difference in our lives.
More Information
The Complaining Habit
Perfectionism, Overwork and Burnout
